Losing Part of Yourself

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Losing part of yourself is like a dangerous disease, you never knew it was there until the hole is getting bigger and you're tripped into it.

It's like an unexpected problem in your math exam. It never fails to make you ask
"How can it be here?" Where are the pieces that should be here?". But then you tried to solve the problem anyway, and after the exam you saw your friends telling each other that the exam was pretty easy. Therefore you realize that the problem is not the exam, but you.

Losing part of yourself feels like a deep ocean, it drains you to the lightless depth of the water, but somehow you're still breathing to think whether you're blind or it's just too dark. You go on deeper and deeper and you have no strength to swim upwards because you know it's useless. Everything goes darker until you can just hope a great black whale eats you alive before you reach the darkest ground.

Losing part of yourself feels like a garden of blooming thorns in your chest, you're somehow watered it before and now it stabs your organs. You're afraid to see yourself in blood, tried to stop the bleeding with your sweaty hands, but it flows to your arm and drips off to your legs and feet until you feel the warmth of your blood yet your hands are cold.

"Why did you watered it?" Someone said,
  .
    .
       .
          "I don't know"


You're craving for completion, you're searching for a mate, partner to live in, a physical contact, a pleasure. Then eventually you realize you're tucked in every single hurtful asset you've preserved on. A contact feels empty, a touch means nothing. You want to be full and content yet you don't know what should you fill yourself with.


"Stop hurting your soul"
"I'm not hurting my soul, I'm deep diving into myself"

Some phrases isnpired by Donte Collins - Grief Puppet