The Explosion of Untold Feelings

(It's an explosion, a mess in one post. Grammatical errors, displaced words, and inappropriate partitions are everywhere, better not to read)

I can say I hardly appreciate person's strength when they fall in love. It's not a grievous punch, it's a gift to love somebody. You don't need strength to love someone.

And then I fell in love......

I was wrong...

I'm scared, I'm scared that I love the wrong person ((twice))

I'm expecting, I'm expecting that you would easily break my complex heart

I'm angry, I'm angry by the thought that I could always sacrifice my dreams just to be with you

I'm disgusted, I'm disgusted every time I feel my logic degrades and give room to my feelings instead

I'm skeptical, I'm skeptical for the things to come if I let this

I need strength to control everything. It feels like explosion, it feels like a set of big fireworks burst inside me. I am nuked. But I am a master of my own body, I should've able to to control it

But how come my strength is enough every time I remember...

...Your shining hazel eyes,

Your dancing vibes,

Your hair through the breeze,

Your calming voice, 

Your laugh over my stupid jokes,

Your ready-to-help attitude,

The sensation of waiting to meet you in a sudden random moments, even in my bad hair day, my messy outfits, and my bare messy face.

The burgeoning passion and charisma in everything you did, even in a bit of move

The power of me gripping everything I hold when this feeling suddenly struck out 

The bright path with confetti and flowers I passed after I saw you

Often I want to get rid of this feelings, but suddenly everything reminds me of us sitting and having a small talks I wanted for a long time.

I can't think right, love makes people dumb, indeed. I hate being dumb.

But it's a little secret of me and God, that I'm enjoying this stupidity, that I love you, unfortunately.