The Journey of Self-Cleansing

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Right about a year ago, I made a post about burgeoning anger and how do our people react to it. You can read it here if you like. That post was also a sign of declaration when I actually slammed my door to a certain person who have been intoxicating my life for straight 5 years. Start from that, I also learn to cut off so many toxic people without passing the signature-INTP-neverending-thinking phase.

Along the year, I've been cleaning my circle from its pests, planting new seeds, and learning to nurture what I've planted. I also cleaned my intoxicated part of my mind and heart, so that I won't be a toxic to anybody (I hope I did it).

As per today, I have a brand new, healthy circle to be among into. I can say this is one of my big achievement I've had this year. Why so?

Cutting off people is not something the past-me could afford to do. My old self would rather get hurt and bleed rather than to unfriend people in my life. Yes, I'd rather have my money taken than to avoid my materialistic friend. I'd rather have myself quiet when my friend terrorized me. been lied to, gaslighted, harassed, and nothing I would do. My insecurities got veeery high. But thank God, before it get much worse than ever, I start to realize that this is not good for my health.

Negative deeds are contagious. Not in a way you would do the same things as those bad people would do -- but in a way you're aching your heart, leaving diseases that is very hard to heal; greed, envy, jealousy, grudge, etc.

When you want a peaceful heart and mind, you have to recognize the chains that have been binding you. Don't mind to ask yourself questions, "why can't I fly off the ground?" "what makes me stuck?". Recognize yourself deeper, for that the answer is within you. It is hard, and for me it took a lot of tears coming out. But in the end it should be worth it

Learn to connect the dots. Everything in your life is connected one to another for you are the center of it. Make it as constellation, make it intertwined. When everything is connected, you know where you're going.

Let go of the chain. You deserve to be free and happy

It is might be difficult to realize what is really pollute your life, what should be fixed. But once you knew, you gotta take action for the sake of your heart and mind. Yes indeed, it's very hard not to hurt yourself. But it gets harder to wash yourself off of the bad vibes.

And last, you gotta learn to commit what have you done. When you cut off people, cut it completely. Lock your door. When you jump out of a bad circle, stay away, build yourself a strong wall. Commit by love yourself a bit more (not in a narcissistic way of course, you know what I mean).

I can't say I have a peaceful life, but I'm very thankful for now I am surrounded by warm people. Almost all of them are older than me, hence some of them are already successful, standing brave, and much likely knew where is their place in life and who they are.

I may have some pests hiding in my circle. I may not fully cleaned after what I have been through. But hey,  at least now I know how to control my reaction over my recalcitrant anxiety.

And for more, never have I forgot to mention in my prayers that I want to be surrounded by good people, and to build me a strong wall against negative people. I think He granted my wish now, and I'm very thankful for that.

It's never too late to purify your heart and mind. Do it before negativity eats you up.