Life Behind a Red-Rose Glasses

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No matter how I always keep my things together, I do have an “internal errors” when it comes to love. I won’t commit, hard to love, instant denial, urging to puke to look some lovey dovey things or even when typing the word itself. In short, I’m a total trackless love goat.

I know how messed up my love story is. But of course, people wouldn’t believe because this horrible mess fully covered in myself, a smiley cheek with an obsession of a yellow duck. A stubby little girl when someone ask “what is your favorite song?”, La vie en rose is the answer.

“Aw, seems very harmless”

“Her love life must be very good in a novel”

“She is very lovable and lucky”

I won’t be surprised. I am very good at being seemingly happy rather than playing dead. And yes, despite of every pathetic love life I’ve been through, La vie en Rose still is my favorite song.

La vie en Rose in French means like the title of this post – A life behind a red-rose colored glasses. It tells how is life when you’re falling in love, everything we do become very romantic and beautiful. Feels like no matter what path we’re in, it’s like an altar decorated with blooming red rose, which is very endearing to see. Thanks to the red-rose glasses.

As far as I live, yes I look at love behind the red glasses, which is red as in dread and chaos. Love is disaster, it requires big space in my brain and it makes me upset every time I should do my usual habit alone but I got very distracted picturing the perks of being “us”. What a joke, not to mention about the fact that I really enjoy the distraction of this disaster.

I won’t really tell too much about how do I see everything in this dreadful red rose glasses, it would take forever to write it in an understandable way. But I want to emphasize a bit more about what it actually does to my mindset, just like La vie en Rose song did.

In this glasses, despite of the color, I see everything rather different. I listen everything rather different, and feel everything. (not rather different because I usually won’t feel). I do everything in more positive way. I look people believing that they’re nice, I listen some songs and the lyrics become more meaningful, and no matter when is it, every time feels like a warm evening with bokeh light. The best thing is, when I’m in this glasses, I’m easily expressing everything in my brain through writing, mostly. My writings get really good, and that’s freaking amazing.

The effect of having someone you love is surprisingly very huge, especially for me who have all kind of love errors. Say, if there’s someone who makes me all different like that, there must be magic spell involved. I won’t lie, it’s illogical, I hate something illogical, but somehow I like it. Never know why.

Yes, I said love is dreadful because it makes people dumb. But somehow, It feels positive to see myself become more considerate. Me in a normal glasses would be afraid to take steps in every path I’m in. But me in a red-rose glasses gets a little dumb and make me walk through a landmine without thinking, it’s dangerous but actually pretty cool. Me in a normal glasses would think people are out of mind and often irrational. But me in a red-rose glasses gets a little derp and feel that I’m thinking too much.

Yes, when you’re thinking too much, just dumb a little, you may find an answer in stupidity. I am very grateful I was a little dumb, I become brave and that makes real result to everything I do. I am very grateful of all the errors I have in love or in everything, because without it I’d live very simple and all my writings would be just like an essay lol. I am very grateful for what I’ve been through, and the glasses I got after. It’s like giving birth to a very cute baby after months of total struggle. I knew it belongs to me, and it feels so pure. So endearing for someone who value a hard work above all.

It would be very hard for me to show how do I feel into this, but I just can write what I think with my limited vocabularies. Though all the limitations I have in me, I want to enjoy and embrace it for by the glasses I can see it all.